Monday, March 20, 2006
Lefort BSSO
I’m in so much pain right now.
The past few days have been nothing less than a world of hurt. It really wouldn’t be an understatement to say that I have not known this much suffering on a personal level prior to this.
The operation is called a Lefort BSSO – bilateral sagittal split something-or-another. Basically they make incisions from within your face, saw your bone here and there, pull your front jaw forwards using titanium plates, and shift your lower jaw backwards using titanium screws. It’s every bit as painful as it sounds.
Having always thought of myself as having a mostly sound mind before this, my self-confidence has been thoroughly shaken. I have no idea how many times and how close I was bordering on the edge of madness, but rest assured I had a chance to explore those boundaries on a very personal level. I spent the first few days after the operation crying from the pain, the shock, the sheer regret. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that a lot of me is regretting it now. Had I known beforehand what I was to go through I probably would not have gone through it at all. But that phase is past – now it’s about enduring the recuperation period.
You have no idea what it feels like to be woken up in the middle of the night several times, to be injected with huge syringefuls of the colourless anti-biotics – they feed it through your IV drip into your arm, this 3 inch long plastic tubing that is attached to your arm, into your vein for several days. They pump in so much of the liquid that you’ll swear you can taste and smell it as it flows in via the drip. There is no dignity nor mercy from the cathether – it is every bit as painful and unforgiving as it looks. They don’t actually tell you the precise moment they remove it from your body because the shock would be too great otherwise. I only remember that I burst out in tears at that moment. The wailing, the crying, the feverishly hot pillows wrapped in plastic all congeal to form the backdrop of an ongoing nightmare. So… many… needles.
The psychological burden is huge. Not being able to open your mouth for a few weeks may very well bring a person to insanity by itself. I can’t swallow anything less fluid than water. Porridge is out of the question. This has not only led to extremely low stamina but also severe demoralization not unlike that during a field camp. In addition your face swells to around twice it’s normal size – I wince whenever I look in the mirror because it looks as though I’ve put on about twenty kilos in the past few days. It doesn’t help that I can’t feel half of my face because it’s totally numb. It’s just sick that you can feel your face using your hands while your face itself can’t rationalize it.
That’s all the focus I have to write with. Need a break before I pass out. I’m this close from going stark-raving mad.
P.S. Thank you to those who visited me, as well as those who wanted to visit me but were deterred by my insistance. I think your ongoing support has played a major role in keeping me sane, and I am very grateful for that. Thanks to my brother's friends for the flower as well, and to the guys for visiting me after my operation - I can only apologise for barely being conscious enough to flip you guys off at that point of time. Lastly thank you to the people in camp, who think of me enough to ask me about my status and to get me to endorse my MC despite the fact that I'm so weak that I can barely leave the house. I kid. Thank you all for your concern and support!
The past few days have been nothing less than a world of hurt. It really wouldn’t be an understatement to say that I have not known this much suffering on a personal level prior to this.
The operation is called a Lefort BSSO – bilateral sagittal split something-or-another. Basically they make incisions from within your face, saw your bone here and there, pull your front jaw forwards using titanium plates, and shift your lower jaw backwards using titanium screws. It’s every bit as painful as it sounds.
Having always thought of myself as having a mostly sound mind before this, my self-confidence has been thoroughly shaken. I have no idea how many times and how close I was bordering on the edge of madness, but rest assured I had a chance to explore those boundaries on a very personal level. I spent the first few days after the operation crying from the pain, the shock, the sheer regret. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that a lot of me is regretting it now. Had I known beforehand what I was to go through I probably would not have gone through it at all. But that phase is past – now it’s about enduring the recuperation period.
You have no idea what it feels like to be woken up in the middle of the night several times, to be injected with huge syringefuls of the colourless anti-biotics – they feed it through your IV drip into your arm, this 3 inch long plastic tubing that is attached to your arm, into your vein for several days. They pump in so much of the liquid that you’ll swear you can taste and smell it as it flows in via the drip. There is no dignity nor mercy from the cathether – it is every bit as painful and unforgiving as it looks. They don’t actually tell you the precise moment they remove it from your body because the shock would be too great otherwise. I only remember that I burst out in tears at that moment. The wailing, the crying, the feverishly hot pillows wrapped in plastic all congeal to form the backdrop of an ongoing nightmare. So… many… needles.
The psychological burden is huge. Not being able to open your mouth for a few weeks may very well bring a person to insanity by itself. I can’t swallow anything less fluid than water. Porridge is out of the question. This has not only led to extremely low stamina but also severe demoralization not unlike that during a field camp. In addition your face swells to around twice it’s normal size – I wince whenever I look in the mirror because it looks as though I’ve put on about twenty kilos in the past few days. It doesn’t help that I can’t feel half of my face because it’s totally numb. It’s just sick that you can feel your face using your hands while your face itself can’t rationalize it.
That’s all the focus I have to write with. Need a break before I pass out. I’m this close from going stark-raving mad.
P.S. Thank you to those who visited me, as well as those who wanted to visit me but were deterred by my insistance. I think your ongoing support has played a major role in keeping me sane, and I am very grateful for that. Thanks to my brother's friends for the flower as well, and to the guys for visiting me after my operation - I can only apologise for barely being conscious enough to flip you guys off at that point of time. Lastly thank you to the people in camp, who think of me enough to ask me about my status and to get me to endorse my MC despite the fact that I'm so weak that I can barely leave the house. I kid. Thank you all for your concern and support!
# posted by Paranoia Incarnate @ 7:32 PM 
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Call this number now, (413) 208-3069
Get an unexplained feeling of joy, Make it last longer by getting your COLLEGE DEGREE. Just as sure as the sun is coming up tomorrow, these College Degree's come complete with transcripts, and are VERIFIABLE.
You know THAT Corporate America takes advantage of loopholes in the system. ITS now YOUR turn to take advantage of this specific opportunity, Take a second, Get a BETTER FEELING of joy and a better future BY CALLING this number 24 hours a day.
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paranoia person, you must be the biggest fag ever, grow some balls. Its just an operation i had it too, 'i was crying' you say, shut the fuck up. Explaining to people they have no idea what it feels like. Well ill tell them its better then heart or brain surgery or being shot in an afghani war zone. Whoever this person is who wrote the article is attention seeking pussy.
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# posted by 
: 7:29 AM
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